In the past few days, I have touched upon pretty much every emotion on the scale, which could perhaps be blamed on those inevitable female things which I suppose can’t be avoided at times. I successfully crawled through the worst Monday of my life, managed to avoid losing my mind, and discovered that one cannot go 24 hours without sleep and still feel like a rockstar (unless you’re Superman, that is). I have very unsuccessfully been attempting to write.
I could of course make school the scapegoat of my poor productivity level. This is the last full week of classes before exams, which means I figure out my teachers really are trying to bury me alive with work, and I also figure out that I’m an even worse procrastinator than I thought. A revelation, I tell you.
These past few days have been hard. I look at the mess that is my novel and I see what it could be, but I don’t feel as though I could come close to doing the story and the characters justice. I feel like such a wanna-be, a fraud, a sham, a pathetic loser endlessly deluding myself into believing that I could ever be successful at the one thing I’ve always believed in, the one thing I’ve always loved.
It just feels as though I’m going in circles. I can’t take a break; I’ve been on one for the past year. I don’t want to write, because I’m terrified and certain that my words will be wrong, that they won’t say what I need them to say. So I don’t write.
And not writing hurts like hell.
So, seeing as how I was a complete fail at posting this past week, I’ve decided to sort of mesh two posts into one. I’ve been completely exhausted for the past week, and next week isn’t looking much better, seeing as finals are just around the corner. My writing has definitely taken a backseat to school, which frustrates me because I really feel ready to dive headfirst into this novel.
But in other news, my muse has suddenly started cranking out all these other ideas, so whenever I’m actually able to spare a few minutes to write, my mind isn’t focused on Glenbrooke Hall, but on my other half-assed ideas. I’m working on channeling all that creativity into my WIP, but my brain is being difficult about it, so fingers crossed that it does what I tell it to do. I might buy a book to help me.
So, while I’m on the subject, how do we “channel our creativity”? One thing that always helps me (though this only pertains to my *cough*fanfiction*cough*) is to go back and reread my story reviews or the emails between me and my crit partner. This always makes me happy and smiley and ready to try getting a few more compliments out of my readers (yes, I’m shamelessly needy when it comes to compliments, they always make my day). But, unfortunately, too often I find myself closing the doc, either not in the mood or just too distracted to write. And it frustrates me because I know my story, I know my plot, I know my characters, and I love its potential, but I can’t seem to find my way out of this funk or discipline myself enough just to write, even if what I write is utter crap.
Do you have a special method/technique/ancient remedy that you use? If so, I’d love to hear it. I’m getting just a wee bit desperate. :(